Domestic abuse survivor speaks out: “I’m no longer in that dreadful relationship – I realise I deserve better.”

“When the trial ended, my whole body gave way under the weight of years of fear, stress, and survival. I’m no longer in that dreadful relationship – I realise I deserve better.”

A domestic abuse survivor is speaking out about her experience in the hope it will encourage others in a similar situation to recognise the signs and report abuse to police.

Nicky Gamble was jailed for 20 months at Durham Crown Court in June this year after being found guilty of engaging in controlling and coercive behaviour towards his former partner.

The court heard he carried out a pattern of abusive and intimidating behaviour which caused the woman serious emotional and physical harm.

The 38-year-old was also handed a restraining order preventing him from contacting the woman for seven years.

Now Charlotte – whose name we have changed to protect her identify – is sharing her experience to help other domestic abuse survivors. 

“Words can’t describe what he’s done to my head,” she said. “Most days I feel blank and wonder if I’ll ever be the same as before I met this man.”

Gamble had been with Charlotte for a few months when he began to isolate her from her friends and family.

They moved in together and he persuaded her to leave her job, forcing her to become financially dependent on Gamble and look after him “like a good housewife should”.

Charlotte said she had to learn to adjust every detail of the home to suit Gamble, such as making sure his towel was pre-warmed on the radiator, making his meals and coffee to a specific liking, and keeping the house quiet while he was sleeping, otherwise he would become abusive.

“The smallest deviation from his expectation would send him into a spiral of rage, blame, or punishment,” she said. “I lived in constant state of anxiety. Every morning I tried to read Nicky’s mood – I would brace myself for whether the day would bring criticism, silent treatment, or explosive anger.” 

Gamble regularly pressured her into having unwanted sex with him, as well as calling her offensive and upsetting names. 

He also stopped Charlotte – who he had recently had a baby with - from attending mother and baby groups, and getting her hair and nails done claiming it was a “waste of money”.

Despite having a well-paid job, he gave Charlotte a measly weekly allowance that barely covered the cost of the groceries, while flaunting his money on high-performance cars, buying scratch cards, and gambling.

Charlotte’s world became smaller as friends stopped calling and family visits became rare.

“My friends said they’d noticed a change in my persona since meeting Nicky. I attempted to address this with him, but he said my friends were ‘just jealous’ which led to me further isolating myself from them,” she said.

“I felt like he always had an answer for everything and made me question myself so many times.”

Charlotte’s mental health deteriorated rapidly, eventually leading to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) requiring medication and counselling. 

She said: “I completely lost my confidence, happiness, and friends of nearly 30 years during this awful relationship. Since I’ve written down and discussed the things that were happening, I can now see that he was very controlling, abusive and violent.”

Gamble was arrested in May 2023 after police had been called to the family home several times that year.

Due to his erratic and violent behaviour, Charlotte started taking videos and voice recordings of Gamble’s behaviour which were used as evidence in court.

“The last five months of that relationship were the worst of my life, which I’ll never forget,” she said. “I didn’t know what he would do next and wanted to keep myself and our daughter safe. He physically and emotionally abused me most days, even in front of our young daughter.”

In the two years prior to the trial, which took place in May this year and lasted six days, Charlotte was repeatedly harassed, threatened, and intimidated by Gamble and one of his family members, which led to her successfully obtaining a non-molestation order against him.

Charlotte hopes that by sharing her story, she can help others to recognise the signs of an abusive and controlling relationship and to seek the help and support they need.

She also praised the work of Harbour – a local charity which provides a wide range of support for those experiencing domestic abuse – who supported her throughout the trial and crown court process, and helped her obtain the non-molestation order. 

“I am so pleased to have closure so I can try and move on knowing none of this was my fault. I can now concentrate on my recovery,” she said.

“I feel like I spent many years when we were together trying to explain myself and was never listened to. I was made to feel like a worthless nobody with no voice, and was blamed for everything. Nicky lied repeatedly to make me look like the problem, so that he looked good to others.

“Now I feel like I have a voice. Hopefully one day I can heal from what this man has done to me, and enjoy life as you should.”

If, like Charlotte, you are in a controlling and coercive relationship, please tell us - call 101, or 999 if you are in immediate danger.

Reports can also be made online at www.durham.police.uk/ro/report/domestic-abuse/a1/report-domestic-abuse/

If you don’t want to speak to the police, there are other helplines available:

• The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
• Local charity, Harbour, is also available 24 hours a day on 03000 20 25 25.
• The Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre (RSACC) offers free, specialist support to anyone who has experienced any form of sexual violence at any time in their lives. Call 01325 354119, email [email protected] or visit www.rsacc-thecentre.org.uk

The above services support both men and women.