You are not alone: Domestic abuse survivor speaks out

“Just report it - don’t feel scared, you are not judged. The police are there to support you and help you at all times.”

These are the words of a domestic abuse survivor who saw her abuser jailed for more than 16 years.

Claire – whose name we have changed to protect her identity – had been with her ex-partner for 17 years when his behaviour towards her began to change.

“I cannot pinpoint when this changed as it has been a gradual process of him making me feel like I didn’t deserve anyone or anything,” she said.

“He would regularly call me names like ‘ugly’ and ‘rat’ and told me that nobody would ever want me again, and I believed him.”

The abuse escalated and he would demand Claire went out and slept with other men against her will, locking her out of the family home if she refused.

“I believed the way I was being treated and what I was being asked to do was normal, and I had to do it as that’s what I deserved,” she said.

“At the time it was like living in hell, there were no other words for it.”

The abuse continued for several years until one night, Claire bravely called the police and told them what had happened.

A long and complex police investigation followed, during which her abuser repeatedly demanded Claire dropped the charges.

She didn’t though, and he was eventually convicted of dozens of offences, including controlling and coercive behaviour, sexual assault, perverting the course of justice, and criminal damage, and jailed for more than 16 years.

Now, Claire is encouraging other survivors of domestic abuse to come forward and report their experiences to police.

“It does take time - I know my myself it took ages to build up the courage to report it,” she said.

“People will tell you over and over again what you need to do, but until something clicks in your mind you just can’t break the cycle to report it.

“But don’t feel scared, you are not judged. The police are there to support you and help at all times.”

Now, Claire is happy and thriving – and living a life that is free from abuse.

“There were plenty of times where I sent messages saying that I would rather be dead – I felt at the time it was the only way that he would stop getting to me,” she said.

“But I just kept thinking of my family. I know they wouldn’t have wanted it to end that way, so please don’t be scared – if you’re suffering from abuse, get it reported.”

If you are suffering domestic abuse, please tell us - call 101, or 999 if you are in immediate danger. 

Reports can also be made online at www.durham.police.uk/ro/report/domestic-abuse/a1/report-domestic-abuse/

If you don’t want to speak to the police, there are other helplines available: 

• The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
• Local charity, Harbour, is also available 24 hours a day on 03000 20 25 25. 
• The Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre (RSACC) offers free, specialist support to anyone who has experienced any form of sexual violence at any time in their lives. Call 01325 354119, email [email protected] or visit www.rsacc-thecentre.org.uk

The above services support both men and women.